Now this picture IS sexy.
I started reading my DSP Christmas short this afternoon and after about a page my heart sank slightly as I realised that I was going to be reading some gay erotica, rather than romance. Not that I mind reading erotica, if I'm in the mood for it, or actually expecting it from a story, but I thought I was going to be reading a romance so was a little disappointed.
How did I know it was erotica within the first page? The way that the characters constantly talked about sex, especially in reference to the size of each other's genitalia. It was 'ooh you've got a big one' and 'I just want your fat cock in my tight hole' or vice versa (OK, I'm paraphrasing here, but that was the gist of it). It was all so obvious, and frankly rather unsexy - almost embarrassing for my British sensibilities.
This got me thinking a bit. In my life I've never come across people who speak to each other in that way. In fact, I've only ever come across it in gay erotica. Where I come from people don't greet their friends with overly suggestive comments or discussions about the size of their genitalia and I expect I'd be losing friends fast were I to greet my friends that way: "Hey Jane, did Nigel put his big cock up your wet pussy last night? I bet he made you come so hard." (BTW Jane and Nigel are completely fictitious friends). I have one friend who talks openly, though not as crudely, about her sex life and when she starts we all put our hands over our ears and go 'lalalala, don't want to know, thank you very much'.
Does this make me a prude?
Anyway, since I've only ever come across this in gay erotica I've come to a couple of conclusions:
1. All gay men talk to one another in that way - erm, really? This can't be true.
2. Gay men get all horny when they read about other gay men talking about fat cocks and tight arses. This must be it, otherwise why is it included in gay erotica in this way?
I've not read any lesbian erotica, but is that the same? Do the women make crude references to their genitalia in those stories? I'm sure some of you will be able to help me answer that question.
Have I come to any conclusions at the end of this rambling post? Not really. Other than I can't say I enjoy gay erotica as much as m/m romance and a little subtlety is far more sexy than making constant references to the size of a character's, er, assets.
Oh oh, I haven't started that story yet.
ReplyDeleteThe gay guys (and straight) I know do joke around about penis size (and who's a top or a bottom). I mean I got my friend Craig the book "How to Live with a Giant Penis" for his birthday but it is truly in a joking manner. It's not meant to be serious and not meant to be sexy and suggestive. It's just poking fun at someone and teasing because we all know if you brag about your penis size it's likely tiny. :-) I'm certain not all gay guys talk about it like that except in erotica. They may THINK it, but I'm pretty sure you don't just walk up to someone and ask about their penis size (unless you are drunk in a bar and looking for a pick-up).
I do not have friends who tell me the details of their sex lives. There may be veiled references with a little wink, "Don got his birthday present at 6:00 this morning before Juliet woke up." but certainly not discussing the graphic details. I don't want to know either, gay or straight sex.
Well not in polite everyday conversation mind you.
ReplyDeleteIf we happen to be standing at the bar and some young stud walks by in tight tight jeans sporting a rather obvious huge bulge then yes gay guys will mention having seen this advertisement to each other and maybe even speculate on the particular attributes this young stud may have in bed.
This can be seen at any Gay website showing nude photos. Gay guys have no problem praising the photos we find HAWT and making maybe some rude suggestions of what we would like to do with that.
Honestly I think women do that too they just might not post it.
Tam: There was an element of teasing in the story, but it went beyond the sort of frat boy 'mine's bigger than yours' stuff and became more sex orientated rather than jokes about penis size. You'll have to read the story and let me know whether I'm just overreacting.
ReplyDeleteI can't think of any story I've read where the women compare lip size or how juicy and red it looks.
ReplyDeleteO.o
Hi, Jenre! Great post, especially, 'ooh you've got a big one'! OMG, that made me laugh. :)
ReplyDeleteI know just what you mean about some gay erotica -- it strikes me as so unrealistic in that they would talk in the first place, that they would talk to such an excessive degree, and that they would say some of the things they do. The dialogue knocks me right out of the story and since I can no longer believe in it, I don't want to waste my time finishing it.
I can't quite pin down the difference between this and realistic and erotic scenes in which couples might blurt out "dirty talk" in bed, but I think it has something to do with the nonstop chatter and the ridiculous hyperbole.
In the lesbian fiction that I've read, it's almost the exact opposite. Almost no talking between characters, and in the description of the sex itself sometimes you get this real matter-of-fact reference to the inevitable c-word, but mostly you get some very literary and lyrical descriptions of touching, kissing, and orgasm that focus a lot on emotional fulfillment.
Maybe it's true that women in general really are more focused on romance than sex!
Hi TP: I admit, put a group of women together, add alcohol and we can be as crude as you like if a hot man in tight jeans walks past. In fact there was one occassion where me and a girlfriend were on the train and a guy sat down opposite us in cycling shorts which left nothing to the imagination, we could see which side he dressed for goodness sake, and he was HUGE. We laughed about than one for ages after we got off the train. BUT what we didn't do is say, 'Excuse me young man, what a huge dick you have. Would you like to stick it in me?'.
ReplyDeleteIn this story all the conversations were about sex, having sex, various body parts and which other body parts were going in them, etc, etc. It was all very entertaining, but not romantic :).
KB: I suppose labia envy isn't sexy either: "I'm dumping you for Greta cos she's got bigger labia than you".
ReplyDeleteI can see women sitting around drinking coffee talking about how wet they get, but not comparing the size of their hoo haa.
ReplyDeleteVal: Thanks!
ReplyDeleteWhat you've said about lesbian erotica doesn't surprise me in the slightest. I think you are right, women do tend to focus more on the romance aspect rather than the physical attributes and response.
'Dirty Talk' is very sexy, especially when coupled with emotion in a sex scene. There's something very hot about getting caught up in the moment and vocalising that.
KB: For once, having given birth would be an advantage if comparing hoo-ha size :).
ReplyDeleteBased on experiences with my gay pals as well as photo comments I've read on Queerty and other sites, I have to concur with what Teddy said. (Well, DUH, how could I argue with him?) Gay men can be pretty frank in their assessments. And in their come-ons.
ReplyDeleteBut, hey, straight guys can be the same. They're just not as amusing about it. I prefer clever piggery to dumbass piggery. :-)
Woman are different creatures entirely -- unless we get a "snootful," as my parents used to say.
I suppose labia envy isn't sexy either: "I'm dumping you for Greta cos she's got bigger labia than you".
Jen, you've been away from m/f too long. They're "netherlips." (Yikes, that term never fails to crack me up!)
KZ: Maybe it is just me then. Perhaps I'm looking at this whole crude way of speaking from my very nice middle class female point of view.
ReplyDelete*sigh*
Oops, I forgot about the netherlips thing. Or is that petals, or oyster shell or moist cave or whatevertheheck the m/f authors use these days *g*. I'm sure you never used netherlips, did you KZ. You're far too straight talking for such nonsense.
Never that crude only in a joking way.
ReplyDeleteAnd you know that if you think your labia are too big you can get them altered? LIke a boob job but different
But don't both girls and guys, straight or gay, talk about boobs that way?? Maybe it's not always sexual, but haven't you ever thought 'OMG, her boobs are ginormous'? Just putting it out there.
ReplyDelete"...haven't you ever thought 'OMG, her boobs are ginormous'?"
ReplyDeleteThey have to be pretty extreme for me to notice at all. At that point, I just mutter some exclamation and start laughing.
WV: "hormicia" (sounds like a hormonal disorder, which sort of fits this discussion!)
I read that story this morning and had the very same reaction you did! I basically skimmed it once I realized how it was going. Certainly different from the other stories in the collection, which may contribute to the let down (one of these things is not like the others).
ReplyDeleteIn my mind, this kind of writing is more written porn (not really erotica) than anything else. And I'm sure there's a time/place for it, when you're in the mood and so on. I prefer it in small doses - a scene, maybe - rather than a way of life!
Ingrid: You can have plastic surgery for anything these days, even the bits that no-one but you and your SO ever see :)
ReplyDeleteKris: OK, people joke about boobs, but none of my friends would say to me "Gosh your tits are so massive. I have a friend who would love to slide his dick between them," which is essentially how these guys were talking.
ReplyDeleteOK, I've totally embarrassed myself now.
*scuttles off to recover*
KZ: You're not coming round to my house then. You'd spend the whole time sniggering.
ReplyDeleteWren: I'm glad it's not just me then. I read the story and enjoyed it for what it was. You are right that the way the men spoke and acted was very similar to written porn, with added housework chores, strangely enough :).
ReplyDeleteJen, are you talking, like, Dolly Parton? Because I'm referring to what's beyond Dolly Parton -- the kind of super-duper enormous knockers that make up one-third to one-half of the woman's body weight and obscure her from neck to knees...or seem to. That kind of bounty has got to be rare.
ReplyDeleteThere's a dreadful reality TV show in the US called "Dog, the Bounty Hunter." His wife is like that.
KZ~
ReplyDeleteWhen I lived in New Orleans, I was walking out of a bar and there was this woman walking in whose breats were literally down to her waist and stuck out a good foot and a half in front of her. It was an swe-inspiring moment; mostly because my immediate thought was "Good Lord, her back must hurt!" LOL
I truly had no intention of speaking but I heard these words coming out of my mouth: "Those are the biggest breasts I've ever seen in my LIFE! They're like... flotation devices!"
Luckily, the woman thought that was funny because she laughed and responded with "If you're ever on a plane that goes down over water, you'll WISH you were sitting next to me, won't you?" or words to that effect.
It was scary. But she did have a point. *hee*
KZ: I'm have no idea what the bra size of Dolly Parton is, but I'm probably partway between Dolly Parton and Jordan (do you who who Jordan is? - she's in the rag mags here all the time). No I'm not like these women whose breasts take up the whole of their body :).
ReplyDeleteTC: That was one of the occasions where the filter between your brain and mouth stopped working, huh? I often find that women with large breasts develop a sense of humour about it :).
A few years ago, I was passing by the office of a colleague of mine who is a lesbian and she was talking on the phone about a woman she recently started dating. She said “oh, she is beautiful, her breasts are like two little scoops of vanilla ice cream with cherries on top.” I was so startled by what she said I laughed out loud and she saw me. We both blushed. So I guess gay gals can get descriptive sometimes! :)
ReplyDeleteDiane: I love that description! It's so charming without really being crude at all.
ReplyDelete