Should Reviewers be Friends with Authors?

I've seen lots of posts around recently where authors give advice to other authors about reviews and reviewers.  Usually these posts tell authors to ignore reviews of their books and if at all possible to maintain a professional distance with reviewers.  This makes me laugh a little inside because this sort of advice is nearly almost impossible to follow, especially in the close knit world of m/m romance where authors are reviewers, reviewers become authors and where everybody pretty much knows everybody else's business.  It also implies that reviewers are professional people.  That also makes me laugh a little inside too.

Let's get one thing straight here: I am not a professional reviewer.

I review for a hobby, for love even (although at times I wonder why I bother).  I don't get paid. I have no official accreditation for reviewing, other than perhaps my degree in English lit and a teaching certificate which perhaps shows I have some experience at 'judging' the written work of others.  My reviews are just my opinion.  Mine alone.

I'm getting slightly off the point here but what I'm trying to say is that in the small, insular world of m/m romance - when it's often us against the rest of the romance reading world - it's natural that various bonds and friendships are going to form between those who write m/m romance and those who read it.  Email, blogs and author websites mean that authors are accessible and indeed authors welcome emails about their work.  Or rather most of them do.  Well, they do if it's positive!

Just because authors and reviewers do form friendships doesn't mean that it's necessarily a good thing.  I've had a very mixed experience with author friendships and, over the two or so years I've been reviewing, have experienced the good and the bad side of being on friendly terms with m/m romance authors - and by friendly terms I mean more than just me sending a gushing email and them replying.  I mean that they have shared a little of their private life, or health, or day to day things and I have shared my own in return.

I have one or two very close relationships with m/m authors.  We email regularly, share triumphs and commiserate failures.  These people know the names of my children and hub and could have met me in person.  They are 'safe' people who I know will not pass on private information and who I can rant to when things get tough.  They know that I am a safe person too.  These people are precious to me and I count them just as much as a friend than anyone I know in RL.

I have several friendships with authors where we email each other from time to time, often to privately discuss books or the latest 'wank' on the net.  These people are also 'safe' in that I trust them not to pass my views around the net and they trust me too.  I enjoy the friendships I have with these people and delight in knowing the person behind the writing, as it were.

One thing I find with having an author as a friend and also being a reviewer is that I'm often put into a situation where I'm asked to review their book, either by the author themselves or through another site.  When an author asks me if I will review their book, whether they are a friend or not, I always tell them that I'm happy to review but it will not guarantee them a good review if I don't like the book.  I always feel a little embarrassed in having to spell this out, especially if the author is one of my m/m friends, but I won't compromise my reviewing integrity.  This has not always made me the most popular person and perhaps I should have refused the book for review for the sake of friendship.  However, I've always thought it ruder to turn down a book than to offer an honest opinion in a review.  Every single author has agreed that they don't expect a positive review but would rather I gave that honest opinion - good or bad.  Every single one.

As you can imagine, this has not always turned out to be a great experience for me.  One very popular author sent me their books regularly for review but stopped abruptly when I gave a lukewarm review to one of them - not a bad review, just one which didn't gush and fawn over the book because there were some things in the book that I didn't think worked too well.  Up to that point I had had a friendly relationship with this author, had exchanged emails regularly and counted them as a couple of steps up from acquaintance and into friendship.  Obviously I was kidding myself because this author has not emailed me since that review, nor sent me any more books and has even removed me from their Good Reads friends list.  They joined Twitter not so long ago and 'followed' nearly all my twitter friends.  Except me.

As a reviewer I have to separate the friendship I have with an author and the book they give me for review. I have to.  Otherwise I'm not being fair to the readers who look at the review to decide whether they want to buy the book or not.  If the review is less than glowing, it is not a personal attack.  It's not personal.  I am reviewing the BOOK not the FRIEND.  Whether you believe that or not, it's true - at least it is in my head.  It saddens me when authors grow cold towards me or cut me off entirely because I've been honest.

One final thing to say.  I've noticed that some authors think that the way to get a good review for your book is to make friends with the reviewer.  Get them on your side, as it were, and then they will give you glowing reviews because you are friends.  That doesn't work for me, I'm afraid.  You have to take your chances with sending your book to me.  If I love it, then I'll praise it and recommend it to all my readers and m/m friends.  If there are parts of the book which didn't work for me, then I'll point them out in the review.  Either way I'm being myself.  Often it's hard to review a friend's book because I know that someone I like and admire may be upset with my review but at least I'm being true to myself and being honest with them.

So to come back to my original question - should reviewers be friends with authors?  Well, I think it's almost impossible to avoid in such a small genre as m/m romance.  I personally wouldn't want to give up the friendships I have developed with many authors but it's sometime difficult when the lines between objective reviewer and friend are blurred.

What do you think?  Have you had similar experiences to me?  If so do share them.  Do you agree that friendships between authors and reviewers are inevitable?  Do you welcome author friendships or are you wary?